Out of my Head....Get

Okay...so I am working at home trying to focus and can't stop thinking. Here are the random thoughts spinning around, over and over, without any end in sight (except when I write them down, then they disappear into thin air).

Laurie's monologue - I'm hungry, what should I eat, leftover fish and brocolli, yuck, I want something yummier than that, maybe Robin can meet me for lunch, where could we go, I don't want to spend too much money, where can we go that is healthy and non fattening, is there a place for a good salad, it's freezing outside and raining, I don't want a salad, I want soup, I don't know anyplace that sells good soup, maybe Robin isn't available for lunch, I should get my smog check done instead, I don't want to go outside, it's too cold, maybe I should have a can of soup here and do the smog check another day, we don't have any kind of soup I like, I guess I'll just have fish and brocolli...oh those cookies look good.

Have you ever read the children's book titled, If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, by Laura Numeroff? Well, I am the mouse. However, now I am going to change into the turtle, slow and methodical, focused attention on my work. It is a work day, right?

By for now...Laurie

Change Again?

Change can be difficult for me. This past week was filled with four rather large changes. My in-laws dog, a beautiful golden retreiver who turned 16 on August 16th, went home after caring for her since Memorial Day, my husband started working in Fresno for three months only to come home on the weekends, both my kids went back to school and I no longer have a job because they "can't afford me anymore."

This leaves me with a lot of time alone. I, like many people, enjoy some alone time. It is nice to send everyone off and have my morning coffee, read my meditation book and write in my journal. It allows me to connect with God and centers me for the day. But lets be real, as the day continues I can find myself doing group therapy - alone in my home. My radar, named the mean lady, starts noticing everything around me that is incomplete, dirty, messy, unorganized and cluttered. Gradually my thoughts turn inward, criticizing and judging myself. Then, when I am tired of picking on me I can become intolerant of those around me.

Sometimes the outward changes in my life give me the opportunity to make the inward changes that help me grow. Today I am willing to do whatever inner work I need to quiet the mean lady to a whisper. I know she will always be a part of me but I don't have to give her a loud voice. Nice lady, here I come...

Keep writing?

I forgot that if you have a blog you probably have to keep writing in it. Maybe I should have thought this through a little bit more...hmm

This is like having a journal. Over the years I have purchased journals with the full intention of writing my thoughts, fears, worries, joys and whatever else comes to mind as a way to grow. It lasts for a few weeks or months. Then somehow the journals get burried in a pile of stuff that I am "going to get to". For all I know, those half written in journals have found their way into my kids hands. Oops - they may need therapy now.

The point that matters to me is that I have the willingness to keep trying. And when I keep trying, I feel good. Willingness and action - that's a winning combination. I will do my best to keep writing?!

Why Blog?

Everyone is blogging these days and I ask myself - why blog?

That's a good question. I can't seem to answer it right now because this is the first blog I have ever written. Who wants to read what I have to say? What can I say that is even remotely interesting to others? What value is there in blogging? Who is going to read my blog? Do I care if people read my blog? What do I want to blog about? Is "blog" becoming a verb like "google"? Whenever I have a question, my young friends say "just google it", like "google" is an action verb.

I guess blogging, googling, wikiing, twittering, YouTubing, etc... are new ways of being. Maybe we should change the word "human being" into "computer being".

And what about all the people who are "internet shy".